Am I living in some sort of bizarro world? Honestly. I know it's not just me. I get people coming up to me on the street asking me why Homo is still starting. I get comments on this blog all the time that state I should be the starter. They say "Drew, you're the man!" Because everybody knows I am the man. They shout "Drew, how can you be the man this much?" and I have no response because I honestly don't know how I became this much of the man.
Then, today, I come into practice, and everybody is walking around like they didn't even watch Sunday's game! (Washington 22 - Dallas 19)
I got there real early so I could get a front row seat to Tuna's announcement that I was now the starting QB. Then I hear there is no announcement today. I was so confused. Isn't that something you declare formally? I mean, I hate Homo as much as the next guy, but you can't just make the switch at quarterback without telling the media. That's just borderline rude.
So I decide to go into coach's office before practice starts and hear the news from the man himself. If he's not going to make a public apology, at least he'll make one in private, right? So I turn on my tape recorder, because I know this conversation will make great fodder for the blog, and I record the following conversation.
The only problem was, when I went to upload it, it was very tough to understand, so I typed out this transcript:
Me: Hey, Coach, Can I come in?
Coach: Sure, Hey Drew. What's up.
Me: John told me there's no announcement today?
Coach: Announcement for what?
Me: For the quarterback position. You had one when you named Home-- Romo the starter.
Coach: There's no announcement.
Me: Okay so I'm just the starter? No media event? That's a little disappointing. Romo practically got a parade.
Coach: No Drew. There's no announcement because there's no change. Tony is still our starting Quarterback.
Coach: I'm serious.
Me: Is he behind me? Or something? What's going on coach? You're acting weird.
Coach: Drew, Tony played very well. He had 284 yards, two touchdowns, and managed the game effectively.
Me: But we lost!
Coach: We lost on a fluke play.
Me: But we lost! Homo lost!
Coach: You're going to need to stop calling him that.
Me: I cannot fucking believe this! Did you know some blog voted me the all time best Dallas quarterback just the other day?!
Coach: What's a blog?
Me: This is not happening. This can't be real.
Coach: Drew. Why don't you take practice off today. You know the playbook. You need the rest.
Me: NO! I'm starting on Sunday. I need to practice.
Coach: Drew, you're not starting. take the day off. Go vote or something.
Me: Vote? For what?
Coach: Midterm elections are today, Drew. Don't you vote?
Me: No. I don't know what those are. I never vote.
Coach: Why not?
Me: I'm not referred, I don't know. Stop changing the subject.
Coach: Referred? You mean registered?
Me: Whatever. I can't believe this is happening.
Coach: You don't know what voting is, do you?
Me: Will you... stop talking about voting!? I don't even care!
Coach: Drew, do you know who our president is?
Me: George Bush, okay?
Coach: Vice President?
Me: I hate you.
Coach: If you can name our Vice President, I'll start you on Sunday.
Me: I don't... wanna start. Okay? I hate this.
Coach: Drew, I want you to take the day off.
Coach: I'm not asking you.
Me: Fine. Want a Burger?
Coach: It's 8:20 am.
Me: That's Burger time.
Coach: Just go.
And that was that. I hit up Kincaid's in Cowtown for two old fashioned cheeseburgers and went home early. I was still pretty hungover so I needed the rest.
ps - By the way, Trent Green, I know you're reading this buddy. Buy GaymonHuard.com. Join the brotherhood...
pps - For your guys' information, I know that our Vice President is Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney (born January 30, 1941) is the 46th and current Vice President of the United States, serving under President George W. Bush. Previously, he served as White House Chief of Staff, member of the U.S. House of Representatives from Wyoming, and Secretary of Defense. I'm not an idiot.