Thursday, November 16, 2006

Bring Your Hall of Famer to Class Day.

Today was "Occupation Day" at my son's elementary school and I had the honor of going to little Stuart's third grade class, along with five other proud fathers, to talk to the class about what we do. I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty sure the standing ovation we got upon enterring was not for that real estate agent I walked in with, or that fireman, or the astronaut.

We started with a fun little jeopardy style trivia game, in which each father/son pairing was pinned up against the other. Stuart and I didn't get any questions correctly, though you could hardly blame us, because those questions were damn near impossible. One of them asked "What is the currency used in Japan?" I guessed incorrectly and the entire class laughed at me. Like they knew what it was! (Though in retrospect it was pretty dumb of me to guess Canadian Dollar. It's just the only non-american currency I know!)

Afterwards there was a Q and A session with all the kids -- which I found out meant Question and Answer. These kids asked some pretty intelligent questions but some of them, as cute as they were, didn't understand the game of football at all.

I got one question from a sweet little eight year old named Todd: "Do you think that Parcells made the right decision by changing quarterbacks, in that, he knew what kind of quarterback you were. You were good, but you weren't great. Do you think Parcells was justified in switching to an unproven Romo, because at least there was potential there. Potential to get back to the Superbowl which is always the #1 goal. And do you think after Romo's auspicious 2-1 start, that decision has since been justified?"

God bless that little idiots heart.

I explained to him that Homo was not a good quarterback and that it's fine to take risks, but at least take risks with me in the ball game. For example, keep me in there and tell me to launch bombs to T.O. all game long. I may only connect 5 out of 50 times but hey, that's 35 points. Now that's a risk that seems worth taking. Actually -- I was kinda kidding at the time, but this is starting to make sense. I'm gonna write that down and pitch it to coach. I wonder if that's what the "West Coast Offense" is? I always hear about it, but I'm never really sure what it means...

Anyway, the cutest question of the night came when some little girl asked how I got to be so big. I told her I could understand where she was coming from, her dad probably wasn't 6'5" 250 pounds, 2% body fat. She told me she didn't know how big her daddy was, and she never will... That damn near floored me I was so sad. So I let her touch my bicep while I flexed. That cheered me up.

That little orphan girl brought up a good point though, that I have yet to address in this blog: My nutrition. People look at my solid frame and probably assume it came naturally, and that's not the case. Without the workouts and training I've done since 7th grade I would probably be 5'6" 135 pounds.

Here is what I go through every day to maintain my physique:

6:00 AM: Wake up, already chewing on a Burger patty. I'm not quite sure how it got there, and frankly, I don't want to know.

6:00 - 6:30AM: Breakfast: Usually an egg burger with cheese. Or some sort of regular Burger but instead of the bun its just eggs or just Burgers, then a glass of orange juice, a glass of milk, and a glass of Burgers.

6:30 to 9:30 AM: Naptime. Got to re-energize. Got to recharge the batteries. My body is a temple, and that temple is closed while the Wife dresses, feeds, packs lunches, and drives the kids to school.

9:30 AM to 10 AM: Drive to practice while doing crunches.

10:AM to 5 PM: Practice. Note: During practice I will not eat anything whatsoever, but drink over 24 liters of Xtremo Tropico Gatorade.

5PM - 9PM: Burger. Weights. Burger. Run. (alternate for four hours, or until you begin sweating grease.)

9PM-10PM: Dinner. Usually just a salad or something. Also, I'm obviously kidding, it will be a Burger.

10PM - 11PM Fire up the ole blogging machine, type away Pulitzer Prize worthy literary genius while my feet pantomime five and seven step drops.

11PM until sleep time: Watch game footage. Sometimes I'll watch our upcoming opponent but mostly it will be 1992 Apple Cup in which I lead the Washington State Cougers to a dominant 29 point third quarter to defeat the defending national champion Washington Huskies. I was on fire that game. And Homo was... twelve years old. So. I guess it makes sense that he's starting now?

God I can't get worked up about this. I need to go to bed. Goodnight.

PS - Homo had a vegetable soup today for lunch, and a roll. Are you fucking kidding me!?


Blogger Better than you since 19, no, wait... FOREVER! said...

He & his mom are going to start doing commercials together now about how soup makes him feel "special"... way to go, Drew... you just boosted his career even more... way to let the cat out of the bad..."HEY CAMPBELL'S, HOMO LOVES SOUP!"... can you hand the boy anymore contracts??? money??? fame???

pathetic = bledsoe

8:33 AM  
Blogger GreenEgg said...

Hey Drew, something to cheer you up: Go vote for your favorite burger here.

9:40 AM  
Blogger Brandon said...

Speaking of burgers...

I forgot how great Fuddruckers is.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man Fudruckers is great have you had one of their burgers with BBQ sauce on them, those are fantastic.

4:18 PM  

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