Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Are You Shitting Me?

Am I living in some sort of bizarro world? Honestly. I know it's not just me. I get people coming up to me on the street asking me why Homo is still starting. I get comments on this blog all the time that state I should be the starter. They say "Drew, you're the man!" Because everybody knows I am the man. They shout "Drew, how can you be the man this much?" and I have no response because I honestly don't know how I became this much of the man.

Then, today, I come into practice, and everybody is walking around like they didn't even watch Sunday's game! (Washington 22 - Dallas 19)

I got there real early so I could get a front row seat to Tuna's announcement that I was now the starting QB. Then I hear there is no announcement today. I was so confused. Isn't that something you declare formally? I mean, I hate Homo as much as the next guy, but you can't just make the switch at quarterback without telling the media. That's just borderline rude.

So I decide to go into coach's office before practice starts and hear the news from the man himself. If he's not going to make a public apology, at least he'll make one in private, right? So I turn on my tape recorder, because I know this conversation will make great fodder for the blog, and I record the following conversation.

The only problem was, when I went to upload it, it was very tough to understand, so I typed out this transcript:

Me: Hey, Coach, Can I come in?

Coach: Sure, Hey Drew. What's up.

Me: John told me there's no announcement today?

Coach: Announcement for what?

Me: For the quarterback position. You had one when you named Home-- Romo the starter.

Coach: There's no announcement.

Me: Okay so I'm just the starter? No media event? That's a little disappointing. Romo practically got a parade.

Coach: No Drew. There's no announcement because there's no change. Tony is still our starting Quarterback.

Me: (Chuckling)

Coach: I'm serious.

Me: Is he behind me? Or something? What's going on coach? You're acting weird.

Coach: Drew, Tony played very well. He had 284 yards, two touchdowns, and managed the game effectively.

Me: But we lost!

Coach: We lost on a fluke play.

Me: But we lost! Homo lost!

Coach: You're going to need to stop calling him that.

Me: I cannot fucking believe this! Did you know some blog voted me the all time best Dallas quarterback just the other day?!

Coach: What's a blog?

Me: This is not happening. This can't be real.

Coach: Drew. Why don't you take practice off today. You know the playbook. You need the rest.

Me: NO! I'm starting on Sunday. I need to practice.

Coach: Drew, you're not starting. take the day off. Go vote or something.

Me: Vote? For what?

Coach: Midterm elections are today, Drew. Don't you vote?

Me: No. I don't know what those are. I never vote.

Coach: Why not?

Me: I'm not referred, I don't know. Stop changing the subject.

Coach: Referred? You mean registered?

Me: Whatever. I can't believe this is happening.

Coach: You don't know what voting is, do you?

Me: Will you... stop talking about voting!? I don't even care!

Coach: Drew, do you know who our president is?

Me: George Bush, okay?

Coach: Vice President?

Me: I hate you.

Coach: If you can name our Vice President, I'll start you on Sunday.

Me: I don't... wanna start. Okay? I hate this.

Coach: Drew, I want you to take the day off.

Me: No!

Coach: I'm not asking you.

Me: Fine. Want a Burger?

Coach: It's 8:20 am.

Me: That's Burger time.

Coach: Just go.

Me: Burgers.

And that was that. I hit up Kincaid's in Cowtown for two old fashioned cheeseburgers and went home early. I was still pretty hungover so I needed the rest.

This sucks.

ps - By the way, Trent Green, I know you're reading this buddy. Buy GaymonHuard.com. Join the brotherhood...

pps - For your guys' information, I know that our Vice President is Richard Bruce "Dick" Cheney (born January 30, 1941) is the 46th and current Vice President of the United States, serving under President George W. Bush. Previously, he served as White House Chief of Staff, member of the U.S. House of Representatives from Wyoming, and Secretary of Defense. I'm not an idiot.


Blogger whiskytangofoxtrot said...

Okay Drew, we'll let you start if you can tell us what H. Ross Perot was famous for wanting us to look at (*hint*, it was not his passer rating, tds/ints, etc...but it WAS on a CHART)

8:34 AM  
Blogger Steve Walsh said...


Maybe you should try whay I did in 1989. I paid each offensive lineman $5,000.00 for each sack they allowed on that cock-sucking Troy Aikens. Man, he took a fucking beating that year, but that gay mother fucking son of a bitch just kept getting back up. I wonder if Homo can take that much pain.

Anyways, it's worth a shot. It didn't work out for me, but you never know. Good luck.


10:16 AM  
Blogger DrewIsGOD said...

Drew! You're the man! How can you be the man this much? Honestly though, since when is "the ability to lose close football games" a desirable trait in a strating QB? I think the whole world's gone crazy! You're obviously the better QB (if not the best QB of all time). Maybe Homo will have an accident at practice...just sayin is all. Remember it's for his own good, he was EMBARASSING himself out there last week!

You stay classy Drew, let's go get some burgers!

11:18 AM  
Blogger WhoCares said...

Drew you are an idiot...everyone knows you can look up all the vice presidents information on the internet when you got home...also, this tony romo situation looks a lot like the tom brady situation when u lost your starting position again...get over it you retard

12:08 PM  
Blogger Really Trent Green said...

Don't you speak to Drew like that! How many passes have you thrown in the NFL? NONE! How many has he? 6717 and he's completed 3839 of them! Don't speak down to your physical and intellectual betters!

12:36 PM  
Blogger RomoWho? said...

I just want to hang out and get a burger w/ you Drew! I bet Homo is some freak of a vegetarian.

Never trust a man who eats nothing but plants!!

3:13 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Whocares...Romo is not or never will be Brady AND Brady is only as good because of his team...Brady never ever gets hit, he has all of the protection from his O line, and has all day to throw the ball...Romo sucks and Brady annoys the hell out of me...He robbed Drew of his SuperBowl win!!!

3:35 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

whocares...Romo is not nor ever will be Brady AND Brady is overrated...He is as good as his team, he never gets hit because his O line always protects him, and he has all day to throw the ball...Besides he robbed Drew of the SuperBowl he rightfully derserved...I HATE ROMO!!!!

3:44 PM  
Blogger MyWay0504 said...

Drew, I live and work in Romoland California and i can tell you that even the good citizens of Romoland are Embarrassed by Homo's performance in the NFL. Go Drew and Go Homo breaking his leg (the guy i'm playing in fantasy is starting him this week)

4:13 PM  
Blogger Tony Blowsmo said...

How about "Ok Drew, we'll let you start because Blowmo lost the fucking game!"
This is SO unfair to you and I think it's a conspiracy to get a future hall of fame quarterback to come in and mentor some fag off the streets (where does he even COME from anyways?) and have him learn from him and then push him aside....noticed one thing to prove the point..his first week after being under the Drew mentoring program he won, second week after being further away from the Drewman he LOST! This is a trend! Every week they'll get further away from you and your awesomeness and lose even more and THEN who'll be sitting back with a burger and smiling?
Your loyalty to the Cowboys is as awesome as you are, Drew. Your talent would be appreciated in any of half a dozen arena football teams and everybody knows this.

4:20 PM  
Blogger drinkmasta said...

Go to Man Laws
Search "romo" in the man laws.

Those are my gift to you.

6:04 PM  
Blogger Tony Romo - Starting QB for the Dallas Cowboys said...

Hey Mr. Bledsoe, why did you leave practice early today?

9:20 PM  
Blogger Brandon said...

WTF were you doing going to Fort Worth for Goddamn burger?

Don't you know there's a Kincaid's in Southlake.

9:48 PM  
Blogger Steve Walsh said...

Hey Drew,

Did you hear who Homo is reportedly dating? Jessica Simpson, Dallas resident starlet. This has to be a ploy for him to hide his true sexual orientation, right? How they hell did he land a piece of ass like that anyway? She must be really desperate. Right?


8:17 AM  
Blogger JB said...

I can't explain to you how upset I am Drew. There is absolutely no doubt that you should be the starting QB for the Dallas Cowboys! Come on Parcells, wake up get this guy back in the game. .. preferably by Christmas.

Thank you,

Andy Reid

9:25 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

jb...As an Eagles fan, why don't we have Drew for our QB? I love McNabb but he can't throw a ball to save his life!!!

9:54 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Drew...Also, besides being one of the best QB's of all time, you are super hot and sexy!!!


10:00 AM  
Blogger M. said...

Hey Drew, are you sure you didn't just copy and paste that pps off of a Web site? Except for the "I'm not an idiot" part.


10:04 AM  
Blogger Romowho? said...

Drew, have you heard the latest rumor? I heard on the ticket this morning that Homo is going on a date w/ Jessica Simpson!? WTF is this all about?

I know she is a dumb blonde, but doesn't she know she is going out w/ a true backup QB? Doesn't she know who the real starting QB is in Dallas? I say we find a way to sabotage that date if it happens.

Homo has no balls so you know he won't be taking her to play putt-putt golf. He isn't making crap for money so they won't be eating anywhere fancy! I say we just stake out the local Burger Kings and lock him in the bathroom for the night (if he doesn't do that on his own).

This is a travesty I tell you!!

10:13 AM  
Blogger Peter Abraham said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Internet Creatures said...

Mariotti wants to know if you would like to babysit Rex and take a few snaps now and then.

Think it over.

10:43 AM  
Blogger DrewIsGOD said...

Drew! Look at this article I just found:

"Parcells named Romo the starter two weeks ago, sending veteran Drew Bledsoe to the bench. In his two starts, Romo has completed nearly 67 percent of his passes for 554 yards and three touchdowns. His only glaring error was a first-half interception against Carolina.

Parcells' only complaint is that Romo needs to be more patient.

"He thinks he can make every play," Parcells said. "And he's elusive enough to buy a little time from time to time to do that. And whenever he does, it reinforces that. I'm more like, if something is open, you just take it, and don't be trying to see if a bigger piece of cake comes along."

TRANSLATION: "Homo pack up your shit and get the fuck out of dallas!"

It's only a matter of time Drew!

10:48 AM  
Blogger Critical Sports Blog said...


Fucking hilarious. You are a sad person.

12:06 PM  
Blogger Brutus said...

Props to coach Parcels for using the word "time" 3 times in 1 sentence.

1:41 PM  
Blogger jeff said...

Where are you drew? I need my homo fix!

6:06 PM  
Blogger jeff said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:06 PM  
Blogger mvbrianmv said...

Dude, drew...I figured out why homo is in your place....so in a time span of 1 second, you threw one interception, that averages to 1 interception every 1 second.
Homo threw 3 interceptions in a time span of 21 minutes, 58 seconds. That averages out to about 1 interception every 7 minutes and 19 seconds. Now it is pretty obvious...i mean sure it doesn't make sense to you or I, but we aren't the ones making the decisions...

12:57 PM  
Blogger Turk said...

I was upset when they took Drew out of the game earlier this season, but let's face it...Tony was the better choice and he's making things happen. I don't understand what all of you cry babies are so upset about. The COWBOYS are in the playoffs!! So my hat off to Romo!! I doubt Drew will even get into the Hall of Fame...

10:37 PM  

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