Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Homoween

My wife says this blog has become an "unhealthy obsession" for me, and that "I can't write about anything without putting him down."

Firstly, that's not true. I write about many things without relating them to Tony Romo.

Secondly, did you notice I have a wife, and Tony Homo has nobody? He's alone in life.

Anyway, no practice on Tuesday's so I spent the whole day relaxing with my wife/soulmate and the kids, then I keyed Homo's car. Oh, and this afternoon I crunched the numbers, and I figured out that if I were QB last week, we woulda won 43-3. Not bad for a SECOND STRINGER.

I fully expect to be named the starter this week, especially after listening to Coach Parcells' press conference today. Coach had some pretty choice words for Homo. (For those who don't know Bill Parcells as well as I do, I've provided you with translations to what he really meant.)

What he said:"I thought there were some good things there. He did buy himself some time from time to time and made some pretty good throws, couple of clutch throws that I thought were good."

What he meant: Homo showed some signs of competancy amidst a complete cluster-fuck of horrible decisions. Like a retard flinging his own poop towards a dart board, inevitably some feces will land on bullseye. This can be chalked up to absolute randomness and great receivers.

What he said: "His game management could use a little work but for the first time out in that kind of situation, I'd say I was generally satisfied with that."

What he meant: Homo blows.

What he said: "That ability is innate in the player. He has it."

What he meant: LOL to whoever keyed Homo's car in the shape of a stick figure peeing onto the door handle.

Coach loves a good prank. I'm still 40% certain this is an elaborate late April Fools' joke to convince Homo that he's better at quarterback than me.

All right, its getting late, I have to put the kids to sleep. For Halloween, Stuart is going to be his daddy, John and Henry are going as Michael Irvin and a Hooker, and my sweet daughter Healey Elizabeth wanted to dress up as something really scary... So I suggested Homo's QB rating our last four games! (84.9!) She didn't get that, because she's only four.

ps - Homo has no children. He's not even an uncle. He's not even friends with somebody who has kids and then allows those kids to call him "Uncle Tony." I asked. He said "No." Then he said "Hey, can you actually get outta the way bro, you're sorta in the pocket, I'm trying to practice a little more before we break for the day." In conclusion, I'm not your "Bro," asshole.

6 Comments:

Blogger nannienanniebooboo said...

I hear "Rhomes" is gonna practice standing in the pocket like the fucking "great pumpkin" and work on throwing his own version of drive-killing, spirit-crushing, game-losing interceptions, and then walking off the field shaking his head and half-smiling. I think Parcells meant THAT when he said, "having Bledslop here has been good for Tony Romo".

8:53 AM  
Blogger Internet Creatures said...

That Steve Young derby dude from MNF scrambles better than Bledsoe.

No worries, the Vikings are going to contact Jerry soon about you.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So I take it there is no turf toe for TR?

12:40 PM  
Blogger Internet Creatures said...

Best vid ever on Dennis Green's press conference.

Jay and Dennis are BFF.

http://firethefucktard.blogspot.com/2006/10/fucktard-befriends-dennis-green.html

or Click Here

2:27 PM  
Blogger JobiOne64 said...

Drew, you were a good QB in your time before falling to an injury. Had you not been injured with the Pats you'd stayed in and won the superbowl too. You got your ring now go retire.

5:07 PM  
Blogger JobiOne64 said...

Drew, its ok. You got your ring via backup to Tom. Take your ring and retire bro before you end up worse than Kurt Warner.....

5:07 PM  

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