Thursday, November 02, 2006

My Open Letter to Byron Leftwich

In case most of you don't follow other teams, another member of my quarterback fraternity went down this week. Byron Leftwich, starting quarterback for the Jacksonville Jaguars has been told he's being benched for back up David Garrard. Just typing that makes me want to puke. This epidemic is getting out of hand.

I know how Byron feels. I want to reach out to him the only way I know how: An open letter in my blog. I know Byron is an avid TonyHomo.com reader, he said so on ESPN news. So here it goes:

Dear Byron,

Feel like somebody just punched you in the stomach? I know how you feel man. One minute you're leading your team to victory, the next, they pull you for some no-name (clearly homosexual in my case) loser who has "better mobility," for no good reason. Your own wife can't even look at you, and you resort to cheating at Scrabble against your seven year old son just to win something again. "Yes, Johnny, 'Sambies' is a word. Daddy wouldn't lie to you. And that's triple word score, so go to bed, bitch."

We are starters, Byron. And we deserve to be starting.

I mean, we both lost to some pretty good teams early on, but who didn't?! That doesn't give them the reason to bench us! Hell, the Giants are great this year, and... Oh, man. You lost to the Texans!? By Twenty!? Jesus. We beat them by 28... I'm just sayin'

Actually, let me just pull up some stats from both of our games... I was 17-28, 168 yards passing, two scores and no picks. Solid outing. Then again, when am I not? You were 14-28 for 125 yards and no scores. Hm. That's actually pretty embarrassing, dude.

But you know what? No. That doesn't matter. We both deserve to be starting in this league. Yes, me moreso than you, but that doesn't take anything away from yourself! You're also pretty good at football. Just not enough to beat the Texans. Hey they're pretty good this year. That 2-5 record is ... deceiving.

I remember two years ago we owned this league. Defense feared us. Now? Well, they still fear me, but honestly, you've slipped a little. Jesus, did you really lose to the Texans? I need to double check that.

My god, 27-7... who are you, Daunte Culpepper? No! You two don't look alike, its just that you both lost to Houston. I wasn't implying that you all look alike! I'm sorry. You get what I'm saying. I mean, at least we know your whole ordeal isn't racially motivated...

Anyway, Byron, if you need a shoulder to lean on, you know how to reach me. And if you're looking to blog your anger away, let me just say, DavidGayRard.com? -- Still available.

Yours Truly,

Drew.

19 Comments:

Blogger Mo Lewis said...

HAHA

10:16 PM  
Blogger Matthew said...

Dude I'm a Cowboys fan and I've laughed my ass off reading this blog. Keep up the great work. HOMO haha

10:45 PM  
Blogger Tony Eason said...

Drew, bring LJ Lefthissandwich over to our Monday Night Book Club. Don't forget we are reviewing "The Education of a Backup QB" this week. Leave your wife at home this time but bring your son. He is a funny son of a bitch!

10:49 PM  
Blogger Beth82678 said...

I'm not a Cowboys fan and to be honest don't really care too much about Bledsoe one way or the other (or at least didn't before this blog). But I was referred to this site by some friends and I have to say, it's amazingly funny.

Keep 'em coming!

6:56 AM  
Blogger Julia said...

I'm not really a football fan, but your writing style is awesome! I might actually pay attention on Sundays and Mondays now when my husband has the games on.

7:46 AM  
Blogger Brandon said...

Drew,

Any chance you could do some liveblogging this weekend from Washington? You know, sneak a laptop onto the sideline and pretend you're...uhhh...reviewing the Redskins coverage?

We'd appreciate it.

8:35 AM  
Blogger DrewIsGOD said...

Drew! You know, I've been tossing and turning in bed and night, trying to figure this whole thing out...it just didn't add up! But finally it hit me. BAM! It's so clear now, and I know why they have you, a future HALL OF FAMER, on the bench..

Gambling debt. That's right, gambling debt. Follow me here Drew, suppose Tuna had just lost $1 Million on a game, I dunno say Jaguars-Texans. Now Tuna is desperately trying to find a way to pay off this debt. Enter Homo. Tuna says, "Homo I start you for 2 weeks and you give me everything you own and ever will own kk?" Homo, being the homo he is, accepts immediately and that's all she wrote! Tuna will make the annoucement that DREW BLEDSOE is the starting QB this week and Homo will be a bum. I'd bet $1 million on it!

10:02 AM  
Blogger Wes said...

you now have a devout fan of your blog and i have passed this on to my millions of friends...and uuhh, i like burgers...(free all week long)

12:53 PM  
Blogger margee said...

Drew I'd just like to point out that we had a three-way contest between you, Jake Delhomme, and Kurt Warner on my blog a while back. And you totally won. I'll make sure to pit you against Homo, too.

http://sportsquee.blogspot.com/2006/10/squee-off-quarterbackiest-qbs.html

4:57 PM  
Blogger Really Drew Bledsoe said...

I won a QB competition between Jake Delhomme, Kurt Warner and myself? Your blog should be called "No Shit, Weekly."

I'm just messing with you sweetheart, but just a little blog advice: next time you have a competition, try to keep it evenly matched so people don't know whos going to win right off the bat. Me, Jake Delhomme and Kurt Warner... hahahhaa. Jesus...

9:13 PM  
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