Friday, November 10, 2006

4th and Infinity

Sorry about not posting yesterday, but I came home from practice and was just physically and emotionally dead.

My wonderful wife cooked a wonderful dinner, and we ate it with my four wonderful children, yet all I wanted to do, was sit, stare, and wonder about why the hell I'm not a starting quarterback.

At one point, we were listening to Magic 95.5 FM, soft rock, less talk, get through your day, number one arbitron rated listen-at-work radio station and home of the famous 75 minute non stop music blocks, as we always do during dinner, and Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" came on.

It's melodic rhythms and sad tones just got to me as I began bawling over the delicious Burgers my wife prepared. One of my three sons asked his mommy why daddy was crying. Always the quick thinker, my wife made up some elaborate lie about Clapton's son dying when he was a little child, and that's what made me sad. The thought of losing one of my children.

The little bastard believed it.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be tragic losing one of my children, but I have four kids, and only one starting job. Do the math people.

Anyway, another week another Saturday flight. This one is to Arizona. Isn't it convenient how Homo was named starter right when our schedule called for back-to-back-to-back road games. I mean, anybody can win on the road, I'd like to see how this kid handles the pressure of performing in front of 65,000 fans hoping he fails.

You know, I used to look forward to these flights because I got to play little pranks on Homo, as he has a fear of flying. I would do little stuff like opening the emergency door during take off, or putting a drop of ear medicine into a sandwich I prepared for him. But recently, I don't even have the urge to mess with him anymore. Sure I'll still tamper with and disable smoke detectors in the lavatories and blame it on him, but even watching him pay that fine has lost most of its amusement.

Something is going to have to change soon. I can't do this much longer.

PS - I had that dream again last night. The one where I'm leading my team to victory in Superbowl XLVI. But this time, it was Superbowl HOMO. For some reason those Roman numerals made sense at the time. And instead of throwing a game winning touchdown, our team was only down 2, so we went for the field goal, and Homo was the place holder and our kicker (I only dream about Jose Cortez) took a huge swing with his leg and actually kicked Homo's head off through the uprights.

The refs were so impressed that they gave us 4 points. Then I argued with them saying they didn't have to cheat. I pleaded that we would have already won by one point fair and square if they had just given us three points like any normal field goal. The crowd was so unbelievably touched by my gesture that I was named MVP. Here's a question: If I sleep for more hours of the day than I'm awake, isn't it more important that my dreams are far more entertaining than my dismal reality? I need to go to bed.

20 Comments:

Blogger Better than you since 19, no, wait... FOREVER! said...

Smile... you have to look forward to Homo breaking his leg or something soon... that way you can start. It won't be much longer... he crumbles under pressure... haha!

8:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep fighting the good fight. Also, just in case Homo continues to start here next year, maybe you should pick up benroethlisucker.com. I have a feeling they'll be in the market for a top notch QB soon!

10:31 AM  
Blogger hogenbloom said...

Great stuff today Drew, please don't take another day off.

Funny story, last night I had a burger and thought of you. It was delicious - here's a tip - throw a little worcestire sauce on it before grilling. Flip Once then watch out for Bryan Cox.

11:00 AM  
Blogger DrewIsGOD said...

Drew! Don't feel blue (did you enjoy the ryhme?). It's only 2 more days until Homo gets his ass handed to him by the lowly cardinals and Tuna comes crawling to you on his hands and knees and says "Drew, how could I have been so stupid, Homo totally sucks at football and at life. Please Drew, please be our starter!"

It's almost worth being benched for a week or two to have that happen! almost...

11:21 AM  
Blogger whocares said...

ok like i said yesterday...drew u are an idiot...if all u care about is whether u get to start or not then thats kinda sad...and hey i would love to have some burgers with u sometime even though i despise your blogs about romo, but are you really gonna do it? i dont think so

11:38 AM  
Blogger The T.O. said...

you know i kind of like this who cares guy. i mean when drew was the quarterback i saw and average of 3 passes a game, now that ROMO is the quarterback i feel like i did before i came to dallas...a star, a playmaker, a winner...whocares, people will eventually see your point...and remember if T.O. says it, it must be true

11:43 AM  
Blogger the big tuna said...

Look fellas....... the 3 (you,romo, and me) of us need to have a talk, yes drew there will be burgers,(as long as jerry gives me the damn right ingredients) look like i said before as long as romo isnt in a hearse he will be the starter

11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aikman, White, Testaverde, Bledsoe or Romo wouldn't matter if I was still playin. Did you guys see me dance Next Episode:Tuesday, November 14 at 8/7c in the finals on ABC.

Not only have I led the Dallas Cowboys to 3 (yup thats right 3) superbowl titles, achieved the all-time rushing record, but now you can see me win the best dancer in the world award and prove once and for all that I am a GOD!

22

1:29 PM  
Blogger Steve Walsh said...

Drew,

Did you remember to pay off the offensive line to play "ole" with the Cardinals D-Line? I'm tellin' ya, Homo will get KILLED.

Steve

P.S. Aikens, if you're reading this, blow me. Fag.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Internet Creatures said...

Jay Mariotti says you can take any team's starting quarterback position in the NFL as long as the current guy is not white.

http://firethefucktard.blogspot.com/

2:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drew - Dude, this isn't cool. I was okay with the jokes and pranks and stuff. Even with the Ipod. When you lit my hair on fire that kinda sucked. And my car is still not quite right (that was you, right?) But I thought it was just team-building stuff, friendly competition. But this blog bums me out, because I always looked up to you, and thought you were a great quarterback and a real gentleman. But you know I am no Homo. Especially since I FUCKED YOUR WIFE! Dude, go have a hamburger you freaking pine- warming mobility-challenged interception machine. See you at practice. Tony

4:00 PM  
Blogger Brutus said...

reallytonyromo

Thanks for your post...
I'm laughing so hard I can barely type.

5:34 PM  
Blogger Tony Romo - Starting QB for the Dallas Cowboys said...

Hey Mr. Bledsoe, I have been trying to call you all afternoon. I have a big date tonight. I need some suggestions for places to go. Calle me. romo, out

5:42 PM  
Blogger Internet Creatures said...

Yup, the lucky bastard not only took your job but also gets the girl - in the form of Jessica Simpson.

9:56 PM  
Blogger HarrisonHits said...

Hey Drew ! Back in New England we're really missing you........ playing for the Bills haha.

Sorry to kick you when you're down so I'll make it up with a helpful suggestion. The Dallas Oline would look really good if they were all wearing Rolex's that were presents from you. If you help out you Oline they might you know, let the Cards Dline set the all time single game sack record. After Homo gets his head, ass, arms and legs broken off and handed to him Tuna won't have any choice but to start you will he ?

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man.. you veteran quarterbacks are biting the dust.. Brunell got benched for "Gayson" Campbell.. :(

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drew, seriously, this needs to stop. I can't have my two star quarterbacks arguing, so please, I need you to behave like gentleman you act like on T.V. Please. Between you, T.O., our injuries, the Q.B. switch, my A.D.D., the new stadium, and your near 1:1 touchdown/interception ratio, we have our hands full. We need you two to coexist. Just like Terrel and Todd Hayley. Except without all the cat-fighting. I'd really appreciate that.
And hey, you still might get to play if we make the playoffs. Maybe if we face the cardinals in the superbowl (because all other 30 teams were catastrohically destroyed). Or maybe if we want to run a trick play where we make it look like we're going to take advantage of the best reciever tandem in the league, only to have you get sacked 30 yards behind the line of scrimmage.
But probably not. Don't get your hopes up. Now you two fellas behave; I've got shit to ruin (remember how we had Jimmy Johnson and we were unstoppable? And then remember how we didn't have JJ? That was all me, bitches. You're welcome.

12:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Back!
I just traded the next decade's first round draft picks in order to secure Steve Smith for next year. I thought it would be more interesting if we had three quarterbacks in a fight. Be we all know who would win. The black one.
Carry on now, yall.
Maybe I still have enough time to go ruin our chances at ever hosting the superbowl.

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Drew, love reading the blog. Just one word of advice. If you are going to use the names of players from other teams, at least get the players and teams correct. Alex Smith doesn't play qb for the Raiders. He's with the Niners. Andrew Walter is the white dude who's been playing qb for the raiders (if you want to call it playing qb.)

6:41 PM  
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