Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Leave the Poor Kid Alone!

I'm hearing plenty of rumors every day about the Jessica Simpson/Tony Romo affair. And let me be the first to say, that these reports are untrue.

Actually, to be more precise, these reports are COMPLETELY untrue, and beyond the realm of possible. Absolutely 100% inplausable. I mean, one quick glance at the kid and you know that the allegations are udderly false. In fact, they are borderline insulting.

This reminds me of the time my down-syndrome cousin was feeling depressed, so my aunt and uncle kept asking him "Hey! Didn't I see you at the movies with Pam Anderson!?" except it didn't cheer him up. He felt their pity, and that guilt made him feel ugly. Uglier than he ever felt before.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, any retard can throw for 300 yards against the Cardinals' secondary. Just leave the poor kid alone!

ps - The Colts are favored by 1.5 points against us this week. So if anybody knows a bookie that will let me put up my entire Patriots contract on Indy (10 years, $103 million, no big deal) let me know. I've got four children I need to feed, and these Burgers don't buy themselves.

11 Comments:

Blogger LeftyCoast said...

I would make that bet too ... no way the Boys are within 10

4:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate to disagree with your sage wisdom, drew, but I'm taking the cowboys to win this week, 31-24. However, we know Tony will stink it up against Indy, so i predict 3 interceptions for Homo and only one TD. Then two TD's from the defense first from a double tipped interception and three laterals, and the second from an actual fumble on a failed fumblerooski. The final TD will be from special teams on a double fake bloody pants reverse punt. Then Mike "i'm the greatest" Vanderjagt will miss a FG from 25 yards and make one from 48.

I think this will finally be enough for the big fat Tuna to bench RomEo(ROCK ME!)

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drew, did you forget about me man? You write an open letter to Byron but not me?

How bout free burgers on me?

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know drew, sometimes I forget you were a former #1 overall pick just like me. That is also another thing your better at than homo.

1:45 PM  
Blogger Better than you since 19, no, wait... FOREVER! said...

And what's that???

Being a FORMER number 1????


HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! loser!

3:35 PM  
Blogger Brandon said...

Drew,

Postpone Thanksgiving, dude.

I smell your starting spot coming back.

And a burger.

9:23 PM  
Blogger Tex said...

Drew,

I saw that flash in the pan Kurt Warner talking to you at the cardinal game. What did that no talent has-been have to say? I'm sure he was trying to relate to you situation, but we all know that's not true. You were the 1st pick in the draft. Kurt wasn't even the 1st bag boy my grandmother pick when he was working at Tom Thumb. Don't let the aimless, talentless, no career having bums like him, Byron "Lefty", Mark Brunell, etc, try to latch onto you. When any of those "never-will bes" try to say they know what you are going through, just ask them this. "Where you the 1st overall pick in the draft?" "Do you have 251 career TDs?" "Do you have a Super Ring as a starting QB?" You have 2 of the 3, and none of those bums can say that. That should shut them up!!!!!

9:41 PM  
Blogger HarrisonHits said...

Hey Drew !

Wow the Jessica Simpson thing is no big deal. On one hand she's better looking than your overweight hag I mean wife, but on the other hand he'll never get laid unless he marries her. And a couple babies later she'll be twice as fat and ugly as your girl. So cheer up and imagine Jessica screeching at him to take the kids to their soccer game because she's too busy watching Wheel Of Fortune.

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drew:

Thanks for putting to bed the Simpson rumors. Another question, I saw that TO published a childrens book. Does Tony have any plans to follow in TO's footsteps and write a childrens book? I hope so. I would love to see what advice he would have for children.

10:57 PM  
Blogger whiskytangofoxtrot said...

just the thought of the words "udderly false" in a story in any way related to Jessica Simpson gives me a total chubber.

Oh yeah, sloppy cheeseburgers give me wood too.

2:56 PM  
Blogger MSPDTX said...

You would have lost your ass...AGAIN !

4:29 PM  

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