Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Mixed Feelings

Hey gang.

The big story surrounding practice today was Michael Irvin's allegation that Tony Romo has some African-American lineage as evidenced by his mobility on the field.

"maybe his great, great, great, great Grandma ran over in the hood or something went down..."

Firstly, I just spoke to my publicist, and she and I agree that Michael Irvin's comments were out of line and racist. Period.

Secondly, I just wanted to clear some things up with you, my fans: My grandparents, their grandparents, or any ancestor in my family tree, never, ever, ever, ever, raped a slave. Guaranteed.

At most -- and we're talking absolute most, but probably never happened -- my great uncle once molested an endentured servant.

Kay. Just wanted to clear the air and pre-emptively squash any rumors that may be flying around about me. You know, when you complete 3,839 passes in your career, people talk.

If anybody out there works for a major television network, or newspaper, or local magazine, and wants to start a rumor about me... you better not! I'll be pissed! Go ahead and try it -- just see how angry I get!

Here, in fact, I'll give you some ideas just to get things rolling:

- I used to wet my bed until senior year of high school (Not true!)

- I got a 670 on my SAT's (Close, but no cigar!)

- One time I shoved my wife into the side of a gas pump for embarassing me in front of the kids. Dumb bitch thinks she knows math better than me??? (Complete fabrication! I love my wife!)

And if any of these wild alligations make it to the 3pm or 8pm Sportscenter: So be it!

Gosh I'm getting so angry just thinking about all this bad publicity. I better go relax and play some Madden '07 on the new PS3. My '96 Patriots team vs. Homo's Cowboys. It's gonna be a bloodbath. And not just because I play as Homo and run backwards for safeties on every play, but because teams rely on veteran leadership and experience to win the big game and Homo has none. (Though the -742 rushing yards doesn't help!)

Later skaters.


Blogger GreenEgg said...

Hey Drew, you gotta check out the bestest burger joint this side of the Rio Grande. Arnold Burger. They've got a Football Burger for 3 on this page (#258). If you're really hungry (of just football player munchie), try the 24" Family Burger (#241). That'll lubricate the arteries.
Anyway, make sure you use a lot of Wet OnesĀ®, otherwise the football might slip out of your hands and you'll throw another interception...
See ya on Sunday -

9:40 AM  
Blogger Elben Shira said...

I wished they would update Romo's stats so I can get owned faster.

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Drew,
I know you love burgers, so I wanted to let you know that Tony has his own table at the local burger joint in his hometown in Burlington, Wisconsin. At his table, they have photos of all his accomplishments encased in glass. Apparently, it's a big deal to sit at Antonio's table. Do you have your own table at a burger joint?

5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi drew. I am a 14 year old girl living in california. supposemly, we r related and i wanted to make sure. see my moms family is the bledsoes and i was just wunderin if u could find out for me cus i think it would be very cool to be related to you. thank you

From courtney

4:58 PM  

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