First Quarter - Live Blog Continued...
8:45
First quarter over and Homo hasn't fumbled yet.
Current stats (including a Witten incompletion): 3/9 for 30 yards. Which way to Hawaii?
Question for commenters: Have they shown that hilarious commercial where they compare family members to food!? Oh man, that black guy looks just like that loaf of wheat bread!
8:42
I cannot believe that Witten fumble...
...that was CLEALRY an incompletion. That should NOT have counted. Homo should be 3/9! I'm about five second away from fashioning a red flag to throw.
Has anybody seen my red cape?
8:40
This is my impersonation of Homo doing a silent snap.
I just did it. Anybody reading this from Qwest stadium see that?
8:38
Another commenter question:
Anonymous Asks: How many tickets did you buy for family and friends up there, Drew?
I made an order for 135. I was granted 4. Then I bought 16 more from a ticket broker. However, I messed up and bought ticket stubs for last year's Seattle AFC championship game. To make up for my losses I had to sell the four tickets that I received on eBay.
Oh, well. Nana prefers watching the cowboys on TV anyway. Isn't that right nana?
8:35
I guess the problem is that Terrell Owens looks like a giant patch of grass, so you can't really fault Homo for that errant pass...
Have I mentioned before how many AFC Championship games I've won? The answer is two.
We're probably going to get one or two turnovers this game, and we've already squandered one of them. Did you know Blackberry's don't have solitaire on them!? Bullshit.
8:26
Homo was 1/4 on that drive. And that's against a Seahawks secondary missing 3 starting cornerbacks. Meanwhile, he's going to Hawaii and Hasselback is not.
Gonna answer some commenter's questions so be sure to leave some interesting ones.
Anonymous asks: You think that Coach would let you line up at WR like Wallace did for Seattle?
Already asked. Coach say's "We'll see." Sounds promising!!!
Ooo... an interception. Here come's Homo!
8:25
Do you see that thing on Homo's wrist? It has every single play we run. Jokes on him though. I replaced the last column with a McDonald's menu.
That last play we just ran is called a McChicken Z slant Right.
8:23
1/3 with two errant throws... Not sure how long Coach is gonna stand for this. I'm gonna put my helmet on just in case.
8:22
First pass looked pretty good. He almost hit Craytons Knees. I guess Patrick told him he'd catch that one with his feet?
8:19
First play - Rush with Julius. If Coach doesn't trust Homo, why is he even playing!?
8:17
Field Goal Seattle! Homo is looking pretty good so far, huh?
NOT!
8:14
During early time outs I like to contemplate stuff... it clears my head.
Right now I'm wondering... could God invent a Burger so large, not even I could consume it?
Timeouts not over, and I already know the answer: No.
What should I do now?
8:11
After Hasselback started 3/3 with a first down I just heard somebody say that Hasselback looks like a bald Drew Bledsoe.
How bout that pass to Bobby Engram? Imagine if Hasselback had my head of hair... he would be a complete QB.
8:09
I took a risk and called Heads. It was tails. I just wanted the ball in the second half, because I'll probably be starting by then.
8:05
With kick off just moments away, some random things I've noticed:
The gap in Shaun Alexander's teeth is even larger in person. Easily big enough to fit a toothpick through. (horizontally)
I'd say 90% of the crowd is wearing a Seattle jersey, and about 1% of those are Ricky Watters throwbacks.
Homo is wearing a beanie. I told him "You ain't used to this cold, huh Mexico Boy?" He told me he grew up in Wisconsin, then went to school in Illinois. I told him I didn't wanna hear his life story.
Me? I'm used to it. I feel at home in the Pacific Northwest...
BRB - Coinflip.
First quarter over and Homo hasn't fumbled yet.
Current stats (including a Witten incompletion): 3/9 for 30 yards. Which way to Hawaii?
Question for commenters: Have they shown that hilarious commercial where they compare family members to food!? Oh man, that black guy looks just like that loaf of wheat bread!
8:42
I cannot believe that Witten fumble...
...that was CLEALRY an incompletion. That should NOT have counted. Homo should be 3/9! I'm about five second away from fashioning a red flag to throw.
Has anybody seen my red cape?
8:40
This is my impersonation of Homo doing a silent snap.
I just did it. Anybody reading this from Qwest stadium see that?
8:38
Another commenter question:
Anonymous Asks: How many tickets did you buy for family and friends up there, Drew?
I made an order for 135. I was granted 4. Then I bought 16 more from a ticket broker. However, I messed up and bought ticket stubs for last year's Seattle AFC championship game. To make up for my losses I had to sell the four tickets that I received on eBay.
Oh, well. Nana prefers watching the cowboys on TV anyway. Isn't that right nana?
8:35
I guess the problem is that Terrell Owens looks like a giant patch of grass, so you can't really fault Homo for that errant pass...
Have I mentioned before how many AFC Championship games I've won? The answer is two.
We're probably going to get one or two turnovers this game, and we've already squandered one of them. Did you know Blackberry's don't have solitaire on them!? Bullshit.
8:26
Homo was 1/4 on that drive. And that's against a Seahawks secondary missing 3 starting cornerbacks. Meanwhile, he's going to Hawaii and Hasselback is not.
Gonna answer some commenter's questions so be sure to leave some interesting ones.
Anonymous asks: You think that Coach would let you line up at WR like Wallace did for Seattle?
Already asked. Coach say's "We'll see." Sounds promising!!!
Ooo... an interception. Here come's Homo!
8:25
Do you see that thing on Homo's wrist? It has every single play we run. Jokes on him though. I replaced the last column with a McDonald's menu.
That last play we just ran is called a McChicken Z slant Right.
8:23
1/3 with two errant throws... Not sure how long Coach is gonna stand for this. I'm gonna put my helmet on just in case.
8:22
First pass looked pretty good. He almost hit Craytons Knees. I guess Patrick told him he'd catch that one with his feet?
8:19
First play - Rush with Julius. If Coach doesn't trust Homo, why is he even playing!?
8:17
Field Goal Seattle! Homo is looking pretty good so far, huh?
NOT!
8:14
During early time outs I like to contemplate stuff... it clears my head.
Right now I'm wondering... could God invent a Burger so large, not even I could consume it?
Timeouts not over, and I already know the answer: No.
What should I do now?
8:11
After Hasselback started 3/3 with a first down I just heard somebody say that Hasselback looks like a bald Drew Bledsoe.
How bout that pass to Bobby Engram? Imagine if Hasselback had my head of hair... he would be a complete QB.
8:09
I took a risk and called Heads. It was tails. I just wanted the ball in the second half, because I'll probably be starting by then.
8:05
With kick off just moments away, some random things I've noticed:
The gap in Shaun Alexander's teeth is even larger in person. Easily big enough to fit a toothpick through. (horizontally)
I'd say 90% of the crowd is wearing a Seattle jersey, and about 1% of those are Ricky Watters throwbacks.
Homo is wearing a beanie. I told him "You ain't used to this cold, huh Mexico Boy?" He told me he grew up in Wisconsin, then went to school in Illinois. I told him I didn't wanna hear his life story.
Me? I'm used to it. I feel at home in the Pacific Northwest...
BRB - Coinflip.
posted by Really Drew Bledsoe | 7:05 PM
81 Comments:
If Bill isn't going to play you at QB he should at least let you catch a TD it would have to be from like Julius tho
it must suck being matt hasslebeck, what with him not being the best QB in his family.
If Homo knew to bring a beanie, perhaps TO is tipping him off to the weather now.
Nothing better with a Diet Pepsi than a bunch of cosmopolitans and a couple of bacon double cheeseburgers from Ditka's.
Jay Mariotti
You think that Coach would let you line up at WR like Wallace did for Seattle? I'll bet even Romo would look good throwing to you.
The Burger King guys been spotted, maybe he'll pick off Homo like he did you a couple years back
so drew, does it feel good to be home? might i remind you of the Copper Bowl? (also known as the blood bath bowl)
p.s. did homo win a bowl game at Eastern NobodyCares?
p.p.s. do you ever blend up burgers and keep them in a squeeze bottle on the bench?
Why dont you ambush Homo in the bathroom, steal his jersey and take over, do it for the team Drew !!!!
Ummmmmmmm Blended Burgers .....
TO wouldn't drop your passes, drew!
wow hasslebeck is quite a comedian, doing his best homo impression
Wow, that interception looked like one of your wounded ducks
How many tickets did you buy for family and friends up there, Drew?
Hey can you come lead my vikings to the super bowl next year? We will name a burger after you at the stadium triple pattie, 5 cheese, 3 kinds of bacon, 2 types of mayo, ham, chicken and turkey all on a seasme seed bun.
Why don't you have your helmet on? Unless Parcells wants him throwing the ball to the first row like he just did on third down you'll be up soon.
Drew, you say God could not create a burger so big that you couldn't consume it. But let's avoid the obvious. Could you invent a burger that God himself could not consume it?
Drew, have you asked coach to put you in there at RB? You're the power-back the cowboys have been missing since Emmitt in his prime.
you should pretend to be like crash davis and trick nuke laloosh (homo) into wearing pantyhose. tell him it worked for you in the playoffs. he'll believe anything.
Drew, its Jay Mariotti here. These IVs really hurt my arm! Anyways, I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW if you would cook me up some of those famous Bledsoe patties whenever I want if I start a column* campaign bugging the shit out of the Bears to sign you for next season.
Let me know ASAP. I think I'm losing consciousness again and some weird alarm just went off again in my hospital room...
Drew, im about to make a burger. I wanna put salsa on it and call it a mexican explosion. would you do something like this and what kind of salsa would you recommend?
Why don't you guys run a 2 QB system like they do at Florida. Then Homo could come in whenever you need a QB run.
Drew,
You think that once you win the superbowl (again) you can go to the CFL and help my girl's Stampeders keept Alberta rat free?
We'll save a Chief MOuntain Burger for ya!
Is it true that you had a little asian guy put Liquid Heat in Homo's jock??
If Bill doesn't put you in tonight after Homo fucks this all up technically could you be on the sidelines for New England tomorrow as a safety net if Brady starts crying over his lost girlfriend?
You talk about you not being able to consume a gigantic burger, then God, himself not being able to consume the burger...But how about a burger so huge, that even T.O's big mouth could not consume it?
Drew, your whole blog is based on the man who stole your job. But let's not forget that you've also stolen starting jobs. Buffalo ring a bell? A-hole.
homo is relying on a fellow hispanic to score the points for him. homo cant beat up on the worst secondary in the league
Drew,
If you started this game how much would the Cowboys be winning by?
Thanks, You're the best
Bernard
If you went up against a hurricane, who would win?
Drew,
If Homo was available in the draft this year, where do you think he'd go? I'd say 5th/6th round because some team would probably think they could convert him into a WR.
Hey Drew, did you ever have to take a dump when you were out on the field?
Hey Drew, just a question, if you were on the Bears, would you have gone undefeated? How many TDs do you think you would have thrown?
Just asking because, as hard as it is to believe, I think Grossman might be worse than Homo.
Hey Drew, I bet the O-line wouldn't false start if you were QB, because the crowd would be in quiet awe, and they would be able to hear you fine. Plus, Romo sounds like a girl down there.
Hey Drew, what type of burgers do they have at
Qwest field? Do you bring your own to the game or do you eat at the stadium?
Thats right Drew! It looks cold up there how are you doing! You sure looked handsome on the sideline. Did you like my "Homo sucks" sweater i sent you for christmas?
John Madden just said "Romo has made some bad throws". If even that old fool can see that, what's up with Parcells? Do you think Homo is blackmailing him or something?
i swear that when they showed a closeup of Homo in the huddle, he was saying, "cmon guys, tell Coach he needs to put in Drew because I suck"
yo drew, even madden is knocking the homo! time they put in ol' drew burgermatica!
If you had to choose wheter to start for the cowboys or have a lifetime supply of burgers which would you choose?
yo drew...I love how you misspelled your own teammate's name...Way to be
Ask Dieon Branch if you can borrow his green gloves.
i heard the seahawks had Burgers for their pre-game meal
learn how to spell witten DUMBASS
Drew I turned the tv on because I wanted to watch a real and truly great QB (that'd be none other than you!) not a crappy one who hasn't won a single championship!
Drew -
Joey
San Diego
Chilicheese with a side of bacon
Do you think that Witten's fumble was a message from the ref's that Homo sucks and that you should be playing? Why didn't Parcells understand that?
I don't think you should dog Drew about his spelling...he is having to use Homo's blackberry under that parka he is wearing. He not only can't see but his AFC champion fingers are much heavier due to his rings.
On another note, I was wondering if you could check Homo's text messages on his phone and see if there are any from Enrique.
everyone shut the fuck up about bledsoes typing error, homo must have tampered with the blackberrys T9 word. hes an idiot after all whos sucking
I heard a back up punter stabbed a starting punter to gte his position. Might an accident like this happen to Homo?
where is this "Burgertown" that they mention in that Subway ad. Looks like they have a good selection of burgers.
Have you ever seen the wendys commercial when the guy was eating the minuature burger? that was sweet.
How many superbowls has Tony Romo won again?
Burgers Rule
Could you beat Tony ROmo in a burger eating contest?
Drew, if you come into the game, do you think Seattle will put in their regular secondary?
Does it make you made that the coaching staff has to warn Homo not to be a hero while you on other hand have been the hero for several great nfl teams?
I prolly meant to type mad.
Drew, can I ask a big favor of you? After you take over in the 2nd half and win the game, can you please talk to Coach Gibbs for me? Thanks. -- Mark
Will you ever demand a trade to another team that needs a quarterback
Homo should stand in there like a man and take the sack like you would Drew, none of that ineffective scrambling around.
screw you drew, and screw you homo. im the future of the team, youll all see. the practice squad will only contain my awesomeness for so long...
p.s. ive wanted to tell you this at practice for a while now:
I HATE BURGERS ASSHOLE!
Which Burger-hater do you hate most: Homo, Jarred, or Strahan?
Drew - I have not seen the commercial yet (mind you I do kind of drift in/out of consciousness right now) but I WAS ONCE OFFERED a spot for that same commercial (should have done it, could have used the free meds...). I turned it down because I had no idea what the hell HAGGIS was or why the director said my head shot would be perfect for comparison? Any ideas on that Drew? - Jay Mariotti
Have you ever eaten a burger you didnt like?
This comment has been removed by the author.
Homo is playing like a vegetarian.
While I am a Cowboys hater, Drew, you could make me a fan with this exciting play by play. Can you talk a little about Terrell?
ps
Emmitt Smith was the exception to my Cowboys hatred.
Drew, have you told Tony Homo of your little blog?
Wow. Madden's comment about Homo testicles going everywhere was completely inappropriate.
Drew, when Homo gets the hook in the second half could you send out a sign to my sick grandmother. Maybe you could lick your fingers or something while running out on the field. Grandma loves you. It would mean alot.
Hey Drew.
Can you blame me for not wanting the Cowboys to win because of Homo?
Don't worry, if you get to play I'll immediately start rooting for Dallas.
You should star in a wendys commercial
WOuldnt madden look funny in a teddy bear suit?
Drew's commercials would put Peyton's to shame.
N******
Burgers
C****
take it from there
on a scale from one to ten....how gay is tony homo?.....i just ate taco bell...that should be your non-invented burger
I'll give him 8 for the number of incompletions. But I'm sure that by the end of the game he'll impose some sort of world record.
Drew,
Do you think that the punter, McBriar, owes part of his paycheck to Homo for making him the best punter in the league since '83?
Drew,
You asked for 164 tickets and only got 4...any word on Homo's Blackberry as to how many of your tickets went to Jessica Simpson's dad?
No Homo will fail because he can't do anything right.
Drew,
How often does Homo need to change his tampon during the game?
Wow, there is a lot of useful data above!
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