Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Stumbling Towards the Finish Line

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
An overrated QB.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two interceptions,
And an overrated QB.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three times sacked,
Two interceptions,
And an overrated QB.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four...turtle doves,
Three times sacked,
Two interceptions,
And an overrated QB.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five ... golden rings,
Four ... Interceptions?
Three I forget...
Two turtle doves,
And an overrated QB!!!

You see, the problem is, I was going to make the song with twelve errors in Homo's game, but I didn't really have anything in between two interceptions and fifteen incompletions... And the song only goes up to twelve. But the message is loud and clear.

Well, what is there to be said that hasn't already?

First off, I'm not going to say I told you so... because that won't accomplish anything. I will type it though, so you guys can read it: I TOLD YOU SO!

I know you guys aren't here to read my opinion, so here are some cold hard facts, courtesy of my friend DaveMeggett in the comments section: (Dave, I am assured is a registered fully licensed statistician)

First 5 games of season with ME starting:
29.4 ppg/ Total (361.8) yds per game

Last 5 Games with ROMO starting:
24.6ppg / Total (340) yds per game

And now we're late enough in the season to look at common opponents, such as The Eagles.

When I was quarterback, we only lost by 14 on the road against McNabb.
With Homo at quarterback, we lost by 16 at home against Jeff Garcia.

I don't want to get too antagonizing, but I think an actual big tuna would be able to see that this team was better off before the quarterback change. Nothing too big, just like a 30 pound Blackfin Tuna. Man, what I would give just like to catch one and ask him point blank "Was changing quarterbacks a big mistake or not!?"

T.O and Terry are angry "about the offense" not "playing aggressive enough." Translation: We're working on fashioning a Carrie Underwood shaped bomb to lure our QB into a trap and then explode his arms off.

Coach said "There's nothing good to say. We just didn't make any plays at all, either side of the ball. Just awful." Translation: Romo ruined Christmas. And to a lesser extent, Boxing Day (Canada).

But, life is not all about football. This is the holiday season, so let's move onto more pressing matters:

Half of you reading this post will be familiar with a fast food Burger joint called "Hardee's" and the other half will be familiar with a fast food Burger joint called "Carl's Jr." I am sorry to report, that these two are in fact, the same restaurant.

Here, watch me prove it: Regardless of which one you are familiar with, the logo is a leaning, smiling, yellow star.


Anyway. The reason they do this is so they can roll out regional Burgers to specific markets. If you live on the west side of America, you will only see Carl's Jr. and if you love on the east side of America, you will only see Hardees.

I recently found this out because I peruse fast food restaurant websites on a daily basis to gain the latest information about innovation in Burgers and other Burger related fields (Steak Sanwiches, Chicken Sandwiches, etc.)

What I'm trying to say is, right now Carl's Jr and Hardee's have silmultaneously released two seperate Burgers available exclusively in their restaurants. Hardee's unveiled the Chili Cheese ThickBurger (not available at Carl's Jr.) and Carl's Jr. released the Philly Cheeseteak Burger (Not available at Hardees), which is actually a philly cheesesteak ON TOP of a burger. (both pictured below)

On my scale of 1-100 grams of fat, the Chili Cheese ThickBurger came in with a respectable 60 grams of fat, while the Philly Cheesesteak Burger was given a disappointing 55 grams of fat rating.

While these Burgers are probably somewhat delicious on their own, through the miracles of modern science, I've been able to ascertain how miraculously delicious they would be as one sandwich!

That's right, you are currently salivating at 115 grams of delicious Burger on Burger fat. Once I start my Burger joint (Bledsoe's Grill and Grill) I would undoubtably sell this Chilly Philly Cheese Bang ThickBurger -- with a side of mashed Burgers for dipping.

Until then, your best bet is to go to the furthest east Carl's Jr. in McAlester Oklahoma (tell Gene I say Hi, and I'll be back soon) and then the furthest west Hardees in Emporioa, Kansas (Tell Robby "Drew will be back, don't you worry.")

To those of you who are on vacation until January 2nd, I highly recommend this road trip.

ps - After the game Monday I had some fun with Romo by hitting the showers with my helmet on. You shoulda seen the look on his face when I was finished shampooing my helmet... Totally Punked.


Blogger brown thoughts said...

Dear Drew,

I've been a big fan ever since that game your rookie year when you went to Miami and knocked that panzy Dan Marino out of the playoffs. That was a great day, I remember celebrating with a Wendy's Octuple Chili Cheese Burger (they stopped making this due to the number of people that died directly after eating the burger). I just want to say that even though Brady may turn out to be one of the best QB's of time you got F'd in the A by Belichek, cause no starter should loose his job due to injury.

Parcells is an even worse offender as he had no reason to replace you with H to the omo. I've come to the conclusion that the Tuna is also gay and he was seduced into the sack by Homo, who now has incriminating photo's of he and Tuna. If you find and destroy these photo's I guarantee you get your job back.

1:55 PM  
Blogger ReallyHungry said...

Drew, if someohow the Big Tuna goes into the playoffs without letting you start (I don't think it's proper for me to talk about Homo's alleged sexual politicking), what will happen if 'boys face the Eagles?

And by that, I mean, who's going to win sexual psychological war between Homo and "Rat" Garcia? Sort of like when you and your wife play scrabble - how does she deal with competing with you despite the underlying sexual tension of a deity like yourself. This despite the fact that she's obvoiusly going to lose to you because she doesn't have 251 touchdown passes in her career. Okay, bad example.

Oh, and if Carrie Underwood would like to stop living a lie and start her life on the straight and narrow path, please send her to me after you're done with her.

3:15 PM  
Blogger blathersby said...

Dear Drew,

Alright, first off, there's a Carl's Jr. just south of Dallas along I-45. It shares the building with a Love's truck stop. It's on the way to Houston (who, by the way, is looking to get rid of Gayvid Carr).

Second, okay, we all know that you're the best QB ever. But how would you fare in other sports? Could Drew Bledsoe pitch for the Astros now that Andy Petite ('cause he's a little girl and all) is gone? Also, could Bledsoe and the Knicks beat Kobe and the Lakers?

BTW, Homo sucks.

4:27 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

As a major fan of multi-tiered burgers I'm begging you to give up this football nonsense (a guy can get HURT!) and embrace your true God-given talent: creating monstrously fattening hamburgers.

4:30 PM  
Blogger I am Tony Romo said...

I was going over my stats (sob, they used to be so good)

Bledsoe's 4 (4 and a quarter actually) games prior to getting canned:
918 yards, 54% completion, 6 TDs, 5 INT - 25 yards rushing, 2 TDs

My last 4 games:
926 yards, 56% completion, 4 TDs, 9 INT - 52 yards rushing, 0 TDs

I'm worried tuna is going to replace me for the playoffs, will you hold me Drew? I need the arms of a strong man around me.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Scrappled said...

Mmmmmm...hot burger-on-burger action!

7:04 PM  
Blogger Dod said...

Drew mate - I have been reading your blog from Down Under and I was getting ready to shift some shrimp off the barbie to make room for some burgers for when you visit in the off-season.
But now what can I say - no doubt your off-season is going to be frantic as you decide whether or not to be nice to the Fat Herring and save his Cowboys next year, or else go to any of the 6-10 teams who need a Future HOF to come and save their franchises (and maybe earn the side benefit of Drew wearing their colours in Canton.
And then when I saw the Drew Grill and Grill I said "Crikey!" That's it, I'm packing the wife and tinnies and pulling up stumps to come to the USA. Just tell me where the first Drew's G&G is and I'll be in line waiting to get my weekly recommended allowance of Fat in one Man-sized faceful.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Heinemann said...

DrewBledsoeIsThe: would you believe I type every blog entry with little hamburgers taped tto the pads of my fingers?

I love you Drew... and for my buddy info mishap, Im completely sorry :*(

10:44 PM  
Blogger Steve Sewell said...

Dear Mr. FHOF'mer
I've got a solution to our burger problem. I live in Denver (home of Gayke the Snake and Jay Buttler LOL!!)so I know the best route to achieve total Hardee's/Carl's jr heaven. All you have to do is head up I-25 to Ft.Collins (making sure you load up a nice burger variey pack for the ride,) then just stop in at a Carl's for the Philly burger, stick it in your burger thermos and gun it up to Cheyenne, WYO home of Hardee's. Yep, that's right, only 50 miles separates those two beauties! I challenge any of you to beat my buddy Sammy's best time of 37 minutes from InvescoField to scarfin up a Double Chilly Pheese Burger in Chy-town.

P.S. John Elway would be rolling over in his dad's grave if he saw how Cutler was destroying the Bronco's offfense with his pathetic rag arm. He played at fuckin Vanderbuilt for god's sake! Please sign with us next year Drew, I'm sick of these shitty QB's wasting David Kirkus's prime.

11:31 PM  
Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Hardees still exists? I'm on the east coast and I haven't seen one in years.

8:48 AM  
Blogger The Armchair Quarterbacks said...


Maybe some day Bill Fat Cells will see the error of his ways and put you back under center. No one gets sacked with more class than you. And I prefer your hangdog shoulder slumping to Romo's idiotic grin.

Love the site. Would love to link you to our blog/podcast site:


There's plenty of Tony Homo hate to go around on our site, too. Please drop us a line when you can.

All I wanted for Christmas was Romo's severed right arm ... needless to say, I was as disappointed on Christmas Day as you were.

The Armchair Quarterbacks

2:26 PM  
Blogger maurizio said...

Hey Drew, what about supporting Jake the Snake? Gay Cutler ha stolen his job like Homo has done with you.. the Broncos wen to an AFC championship with Jake, what the hell could they won with this pussy at qb? It's the same story.. You went to 2 super bowl, what the hell has done Romo? 0 super bowl, 0 championships!

4:02 PM  
Blogger Nick said...

Hey Drew... what did you do to piss off the BURGER KING? It shows him intercepting YOU!


10:30 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Hey Drew,

I actually talked to Robby at Hardee's, and told him you'd be back. He said "Goddammit", but I think what he really meant to say was "Goddammit YES!".

1:37 PM  
Blogger Head Chick In Charge said...

Drew, you are so modest.

Why don't you ever talk about how cute you look in your visor? Romo tries to do that backward cap thing, but you look cuter in your visor.

I posted some pics of you in your visor on my blog.

And, I know you're not jealous or anything, but I also posted about how Carrie Underwood is using Romo and how he has no game like you, a great man that has secured a lovely wife and kids.


12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Give Tony a break. Being under a lot of pressure is difficult. It isn't like he messed up on purpose. He did everything he could to try to fix his mistake. He is certainly not a "homo."

5:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bledsoe is gay as the guy from massachussetts

5:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear, tony homo you can't hold a football how our you gonna hold your baby

5:20 PM  
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