Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Aye Carumba!

Sit down my loyal readers.

I have some very serious insider information that many of you may not be aware of. This will come as a shock to you, as it did to me when I found out.

The starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys is NOT Tony Romo. In fact, his REAL name is Antonio Ramiro Romo!

That's right. Mr. ALL American isn't all American. He's partly Mexican!!!

Now before you guys send me any emails accusing me of being a racist, I want you to know that I have NO problems with Mexicans. Some of my BEST housekeepers are Mexican (or el Salvadorian or whatever) and I still keep talk to ex-Cowboys kicker Jose Cortez at least twice a month-- mostly due to misdials because he's in my cellphonebook sandwiched between my two friends John Conroy and Jove Channing.

This isn't a matter of Mexican vs. Not Mexican. This is a matter of trust and honesty. Simply put, Antonio Ramiro Romo is a dishonest, lying Mexican.

Like I said, I don't mind the Mexican part, I just mind being lied to. "I was born in San Diego and grew up in Wisconsin," he told me once. HA! Why didn't he tell me that his grandfather was actually born in Múzquiz, Coahuila, Mexico and emigrated San Antonio, Texas as an adolescent, only 43 years before Homo's birth? What's the matter ANTONIO? Hiding something!?

You know, I should have suspected something when Homo laughed off my obsession with Burgers. He probably just preferred Burritos or Nachos or Corn or something like that instead.

Frankly, I don't know what to believe anymore. One day he introduces himself as Tony, the next I'm reading on wikipedia that his real name is Antonio. Who knows, maybe Michael Irvin was right? Maybe somewhere down the line Homo's maternal relatives were hooking up with "slave brothers." Sure it sounded crazy at the time, but with all these new details surfacing, anything can be true!

So where does that leave us? Obviously we need a new quarterback, that's not even a question. You think the Broncos would have kept Elway if one day he came out of the closet and said "My real name is Marie Jacque Elwina. That's right. I am a frenchwoman." Hell no! And this is the SAME THING.

So Antonio is out, but who can replace him? Obviously we need somebody who is American through and through. Somebody who's name leaves no doubt that it is 100% Patriotic and Honest. Somebody with more career completions (3,839) than Mexican grandparents (0). I don't want to name names (mainly because I can't even pronounce Homo's real name anymore) so I'll leave it at that. Coach can decide who he wants to lead this team. Let me just say this:

Arivaderchi Antonio, hay un nuevo sherif en ciudad!

ps - In regards to the spitting incident, I told T.O. today that I wanted him to say it, not spray it because I wanted to the news and not the weather! I laughed and laughed and then panicked a little because I then realized that TO is my only source of weather information. I would walk up to him and ask him for tomorrows highs or lows and after my little stunt T.O. has only been giving me the news. I couldn't care less about some stupid braindead senator. I want to know % chance of percipitation! I had a good thing going and I messed it up.


Blogger GreenEgg said...

Well Drew, the results are finally in. 56% of *real* Americans want you as their quarterback. Only 15% want to see Antonio prancing around the field having a tea party with Michael Irvin and some ancestors.

Next time you're up in Amarillo, let me know. We'll go to Arnold's.


7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drew, you are dead on this time. Romo has been lying about his heritage this whole time. I'm sure alot of bandwagon NFL fans who don't read Wikipedia thought that Romo was American as burgers. They're WRONG.

Drew McQueen Bledsoe is about as American a name you can get. Just this travesty Romo has committed should make him lose his starting job. Hell, I think he should be punished down to the 3rd, emergency, QB spot.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

I thought the rules were clear... no Mexicans in the NFL unless they are kickers! C'mon. The commissioner needs to step up and enforce this stuff! We, as fans deserve pure players and this is just unacceptable!

11:45 AM  
Blogger Happy Gilmore said...

kristi: what about Jeff Garcia..

Viva Drew! mas hamburguesas para todos!

Homo got so lucky last game should have been like 5 interceptions..I think you need to steal his little imp that he keeps in his back pocket that protects his crappy throws. I saw something about that on Harry Potter.

12:20 PM  
Blogger jsballardx said...

You get 'em Drew! I found another "person" that needs to exposed, so take a look at it's blog. Pretty disturbing stuff here.


3:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...





3:37 PM  
Blogger Horacio said...

Way to go, Drew, just watch this sissy trying his best to answer your blog comments...


2:37 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Drew, Homo made the Pro Bowl. Obviously there's been a huge mistake. You should demand a recount!

9:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tony Homo is the cleverest thing that Jerry Jones has done in Dallas since Tex Schramm came up with the marketing ploy of playing Danny White because he needed a white QB.

We need a real QB of "the people" for the people. You're out, Drew, Tony es el ley nuevo.

baby arm

11:29 AM  

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