Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Open Letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell

Dear Mr. Commissioner, (aka Roger, aka Rog,)

Sorry this letter is so delayed. I meant to send you one back in September, I probably just mispelled your name or something. Anyway, congratulations and all that, your family must be very proud. I know that commissioner is a pretty tough job, and the fact that you lasted so long without a major mistake is pretty admirable.

However, I am writing to inform you that there has been a little bit of an... error, as it were, in terms of Pro-Bowl voting. It appears as if my colleague, Mr. Antonio Romo (did you know that was his real name? Is that grounds for disqualification?) was, for some inexplicable reason, added to the NFC Roster.

I think my coach said it best: "Am I surprised? I don't think that would be a strong enough word." (DallasCowboys.com)

In fact, according to your website (NFL.com) Mr. H(R)omo was not one of the top 10 Offensive Vote Getters nor was he one of the Top 10 Text Message vote-getters. While Tom Brady was on both lists and not even voted onto the AFC team.

Mr. Commissioner, I know what you're going to say. The fans only account for 1/3 of the vote. The other 2/3 are split evenly between coach and player votes. Well let me tell you, if myself, my teammates, and my coach are any indication, Mr. Antonio McTaco Bell (I'm not racist) did not get any help in those categories.

In fact, as I recall my voting went as follows: First Place Vote: Drew Bledsoe, Second: Drew Brees, Third: Donovan McNabb without the ACL injury, Fourth: Donovan McNabb WITH the ACL injury, and fifth: Just Donovan McNabb's surgically repared ACL.

So what exactly happened here? How did a quarterback who has started only eight games in his entire career become voted onto the All-Star Team? Well, the answer is probably more obvious than you think:

For the first seven weeks of this season, it was my name on that ballot under "Dallas, QB."

After probably garnering enough votes to be named starting AFC Punter if I wanted to, I was benched as the result of a cruel anonymous practical joke. What resulted was Romo's name being placed over my own on the ballot box. Your scantron reader, probably an SC-2000 model (my brother-in-law sells these things to local schools) as a result has been reading every vote in the "Dallas-QB" slot as a vote for Romo when in fact, the majority of those votes belong to me: Drew Bledsoe.

So what do I expect? Nothing too radical.

I expect you, commissioner, to own up to the mistake. Take a look at your brother from another sport-mother David Stern and how he handled the New Ball incident. He admitted his mistake and listened to the voice of the players, reinstating the old leather ball.

My family already has their tickets to Honolulu for the weekend of February 10th as I purchase everybody a ticket during every pre-season. In an effort to get this whole ordeal over with, and to show how much of a team player I am, I am even willing to accept a reserve spot on the NFC roster.

I don't want a recount Mr. Commissioner. I believe the numbers are accurate. However, they are accurate in revealing people's confidence in myself, not in some Arena Bowl wannabee who's only got 34 quarters of NFL experience under his belt. I want an invitation Mr. Commissioner.

I think you'll make the right decision. Mainly because I know this is the holiday season, and you wouldn't want to lose a finger, or a family member, this close to Christmas, would you? Also, my lawyers have advised me to let you know that wasn't a threat, it was merely a rhetorical question.

All the best,
Drew Bledsoe

PS - Did you see that SNL Dick in a Box video? So good!

PPS - "It's My Dick-in-a-Box!" hahahaha.

76 Comments:

Blogger Eddie said...

That "Dick in a Box" video was hilarious - almost as hilarious as RoMexican trying to not throw an interception in a big game.

6:50 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

"My vote for 2006 Sports Blog of the Year: The one where "Drew Bledsoe" posts about his ongoing hatred for Tony Romo. Sadly, I can't give you the link. But people started e-mailing me the link at the end of October; I remember thinking, "Wow, this is totally inspired"; and two months later, it's still funny as hell and hasn't gotten old. Great work by the mystery writer. That blog kills me. Even the URL is high comedy."

Praise from Bill Simmons

2:46 PM  
Blogger thorny said...

it's really a shame that romo isn't also as fat as that riley guy...

4:07 PM  
Blogger Salvatore said...

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/061221

"Eagles (+7) over COWBOYS
My vote for 2006 Sports Blog of the Year: The one where "Drew Bledsoe" posts about his ongoing hatred for Tony Romo. Sadly, I can't give you the link. But people started e-mailing me the link at the end of October; I remember thinking, "Wow, this is totally inspired"; and two months later, it's still funny as hell and hasn't gotten old. Great work by the mystery writer. That blog kills me. Even the URL is high comedy. Anyway, remember when I mentioned my tentative plan to change the Ewing Theory to the Bledsoe Theory if Romo won the Super Bowl? That drew an immediate protest from the creator of the Ewing Theory, the honorable Dave Cirilli." From ESPN.com Page 2

6:42 PM  
Blogger Ty Law said...

Drew -

Your blog is grate. I'm so glad to see you staying on top of your game. I just wanted to say ignore the haters, and focus on next year, when you and I will return to the Patriots to take the rains from that pretender 'Br-gay-dy'. Remember how that midget Flute came back last year and kicked for a point? Well that will be like you and me. Except you'll be throwin' bombs for TD's, and I'll be making a lot of interceptions, like even a real whole lot. YEAH!

8:50 PM  
Blogger Lacroix said...

Hey Drew, did you see jeff garcia's myspace yet.

Here's The Link

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=97620111

5:45 PM  
Blogger jct said...

Well, Drew in the Words of Belichik, Loosen up. Parcells has finally publically come out and spoke to the overconfidence of T. HOMO. Expect any moment for him to remember your playoff success and your Conference Championship Victories. Drew we still Love you in New England. We win never forget what you did for us. You are a Champion Forever in our hearts. God Bless...

6:53 PM  
Blogger bond james bond said...

well I'm glad love your game just wished you cared about it's reputation as a family sport that all America can be proud of As I see it nothing about michael vick or those who consorted with him in his treatment of animals is worth havuing in any professional sport especially the NFL, normally proud to stand up for kids who are sick but to give vick leeway is slapping all these kids who look up to guys as heroes. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodick , A hero I doubt he knows the meaning of the word.

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