Open Letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell

Dear Mr. Commissioner, (aka Roger, aka Rog,)

Sorry this letter is so delayed. I meant to send you one back in September, I probably just mispelled your name or something. Anyway, congratulations and all that, your family must be very proud. I know that commissioner is a pretty tough job, and the fact that you lasted so long without a major mistake is pretty admirable.

However, I am writing to inform you that there has been a little bit of an... error, as it were, in terms of Pro-Bowl voting. It appears as if my colleague, Mr. Antonio Romo (did you know that was his real name? Is that grounds for disqualification?) was, for some inexplicable reason, added to the NFC Roster.

I think my coach said it best: "Am I surprised? I don't think that would be a strong enough word." (DallasCowboys.com)

In fact, according to your website (NFL.com) Mr. H(R)omo was not one of the top 10 Offensive Vote Getters nor was he one of the Top 10 Text Message vote-getters. While Tom Brady was on both lists and not even voted onto the AFC team.

Mr. Commissioner, I know what you're going to say. The fans only account for 1/3 of the vote. The other 2/3 are split evenly between coach and player votes. Well let me tell you, if myself, my teammates, and my coach are any indication, Mr. Antonio McTaco Bell (I'm not racist) did not get any help in those categories.

In fact, as I recall my voting went as follows: First Place Vote: Drew Bledsoe, Second: Drew Brees, Third: Donovan McNabb without the ACL injury, Fourth: Donovan McNabb WITH the ACL injury, and fifth: Just Donovan McNabb's surgically repared ACL.

So what exactly happened here? How did a quarterback who has started only eight games in his entire career become voted onto the All-Star Team? Well, the answer is probably more obvious than you think:

For the first seven weeks of this season, it was my name on that ballot under "Dallas, QB."

After probably garnering enough votes to be named starting AFC Punter if I wanted to, I was benched as the result of a cruel anonymous practical joke. What resulted was Romo's name being placed over my own on the ballot box. Your scantron reader, probably an SC-2000 model (my brother-in-law sells these things to local schools) as a result has been reading every vote in the "Dallas-QB" slot as a vote for Romo when in fact, the majority of those votes belong to me: Drew Bledsoe.

So what do I expect? Nothing too radical.

I expect you, commissioner, to own up to the mistake. Take a look at your brother from another sport-mother David Stern and how he handled the New Ball incident. He admitted his mistake and listened to the voice of the players, reinstating the old leather ball.

My family already has their tickets to Honolulu for the weekend of February 10th as I purchase everybody a ticket during every pre-season. In an effort to get this whole ordeal over with, and to show how much of a team player I am, I am even willing to accept a reserve spot on the NFC roster.

I don't want a recount Mr. Commissioner. I believe the numbers are accurate. However, they are accurate in revealing people's confidence in myself, not in some Arena Bowl wannabee who's only got 34 quarters of NFL experience under his belt. I want an invitation Mr. Commissioner.

I think you'll make the right decision. Mainly because I know this is the holiday season, and you wouldn't want to lose a finger, or a family member, this close to Christmas, would you? Also, my lawyers have advised me to let you know that wasn't a threat, it was merely a rhetorical question.

All the best,
Drew Bledsoe

PS - Did you see that SNL Dick in a Box video? So good!

PPS - "It's My Dick-in-a-Box!" hahahaha.