We are a .500 team (The Past Two Weeks)

Ketchup on Burgers, and Forward Pass Inceptions
AFL Mergers and Romo Interceptions,
Even more Burgers and Fries like Shoestrings,
These are a few of my favorite things!

Hey everybody. Ever just feel like singin'!?

Now, I'm sure y'all are expecting me to go on a little rant about Sunday Night's game. I bet you want me to talk about how Homo is finally playing as bad as everybody thought he would, and how when put up to the challenge, Homo buckled under the pressure like a fat pilgrim.

Hell, you probably want me to bring up statistics like 16 for 33, and two interceptions. But that's not what I'm about. I don't dwell on petty things like statistics, or the past... or two interceptions.

And there's literally no reason for me to even type "four rushes for one yard" so I'm not going to. (How does that work, by the way? Is it technically a "rush" if you're only moving forward 9 inches at a time? I mean, that's shorter than the length of his foot. I guess when they say he's a 'Mobile' quarterback they're referring to the city in Alabama in which he's going to have to take up substitute teaching? Anyway.)

I mean, if you want, you can read the box score, and yes, it will tell you that Romo's completion percentage was under 50% and that he threw more passes to the Saints (2) than to Julius and Marion combined (1) -- So I'm not even going to waste my time (and yours) writing about it.

And because I'm such a class act, I'm not even gonna call Romo's one touchdown pass to TO, "a fluke" because it's not something that the Associated Press hasn't said already! So please, stop expecting me to repeat myself! Let's just move on! Jeez!

I will say one thing about Sunday's game though: Sean Payton is an amazing and brilliant offensive mind. He knows talent. He understands how to utilize his teams resources. Simply put, he understands the game of football.

I just wish I could ask him: "Who would you start if you had Drew Bledsoe and Tony Romo on the same team?"

Actually, you know what? Sean Payton had to ask himself that every day last year as the assistant head coach and passing coordinator for the Dallas Cowboys, and you know what his answer was? ME!

That's right, this football genius, who could probably guide Drew Brees' birthmark to a 105.5 passer rating, had his choice all of last year between Homo and myself to guide his offense and he chose me.

And not only that, after taking the head coaching job at New Orleans he signed the only other Drew B. he knows to man his offense because "Why mess with success?" (Not a direct quote, but you get the picture)

Some more Analysis:

Not counting the Indy game (Fluke), or the Giants game (luck), Homo has lead the Cowboys to THREE victories against three teams with a combined 13-26 record (Panthers/Cardinals/Bucs).

13-26! If Homo and the Cowboys went 13-26 this season you know what people would say? Firstly, they'd be in shock because we'd have played 39 games -- or roughly two-and-a-half times the amount we were scheduled to play all season. And secondly they'd say: That's not a very good record at all.

And the most depressing thing is, against the Redskins, a divisional foe, and against the Saints, an actual NFC playoff contender, Homo choked like Latrell Sprewell at a PJ Carlesimo convention.

And then what does he tell the media?

"We just made some mistakes on things that we shouldn't have," Romo said. "We'll see what we're made of now."

First off, it's pretty sad that he's even talking like he's ever going to play another football game again in his life. After Sunday's performance, I don't even know if there is an Arena Football team in America who would give this guy a job -- and yes I even mean the Grand Rapids Rampage with their depleted passing game.

Secondly, how dare he sell my teammates short like that? "WE made some mistakes. WE'll see what WE're made of now" ??? No, Homo. We will not see. These other guys are proven winners with the right quarterback. How dare you lump them in the same boat as you?

Julius Jones did not throw two interceptions.

Patrick Crayton did not go 16-33.

Mike Vanderjagt did not rush for 1 yard on 4 carries. (Bad Example.)

You did this, Homo. These guys are like brothers to me. You? You're not even a cousin. You're barely even an aunt.

You've dug this hole. But I shall get us out of it. And if I can't, then Tommy Maddox will.

Worry not Cowboy fans. We have three weeks until the Playoffs. I'm going to do everything in my power to get us there with the best position possible and with the momentum we need to go all the way.

... Man I'm getting goosebumps that, up until this day, were reserved only for Don Cheadle commercials...

Goodbye my fans -- exciting times ahead.

ps - Short week coming up because of our game on Saturday night in Atlanta. I've already started brainstorming some airplane based jokes to make fun of Homo on our Thursday night flight. So far I have this gem:

Towards the end of the flight, I'm gonna say "DING! Ladies and Gentlemen, Homo has started his initial descent into mediocrity. At this time he asks that you put your tray table up, and your seat in its full upright and locked position."

I don't know how to pronounce "mediocrity" yet because my friend thought of the insult then emailed it to me, but as soon as I sound it out, Homo is going DOWN.