Liveblogging at 40,000 feet
I get pretty lonely on these flights, so I decided to borrow my sons laptop for this trip, so I can live-blog the entire flight from Dallas to Phoenix. The captain just said it’ll be a little over two hours – just plenty of time for Homo to embarrass himself, and me to blog about it.
Minute 8: Pilot says we’ve reached our cruising altitude of 35,000 feet. I’m not pretty good at math, but that’s pretty close to my career yardage. I just yelled out “Good thing we’re not flying at Homo’s career yardage altitude! Otherwise we’d be hitting some Mountains on the way!” Nobody really heard me, I guess. Airplanes are pretty loud.
Minute 13: I just glanced over to Homo and he was perusing Skymall. He was eyeing Item 13357J: Shower Mirror with Clock. “Enjoy the best environment for the closest shave: a steamy shower and crystal-clear reflection.” He just told somebody he loves Skymall because most products are duty free if you order before landing. I wish I could free my Duty. In his cleats.
Meanwhile, there’s only one Skymall product for me, and that’s the World’s Largest Crossword Puzzle. Yup, every ride I check out item 66813J… “Holding the Guinness record for its size, this crossword hangs on a full 7 foot by 7 foot wall space and has 28,000 clues for every 91,000 squares…no repeats!” People don’t know this, but I’m a crossword puzzle guru. I’ve never completed one, because I usually get bored, but I can get 10-15 words off the bat easily. One day I’m gonna purchase this baby, and complete it, to cement my place in Canton. (The Pro Football Hall of Fame loves extra curriculars like these). Anyway, back to what’s important…
Minute 21: Homo just got up to stretch his legs. He’s just trying to rub in the fact that he’s playing tomorrow and I’m not. I didn’t want him to get away with it, so we had a little shouting match.
Me: Stretching the ole legs huh?
Homo: Yup.
Me: Gotta keep them fresh for tomorrow!
Homo: Ha, it’s not that, I just always get sore knees when –
Me: Yeah, not really interested.
Homo: Huh?
Me: I said I don’t give a shit, just sit down.
Homo: Okay... whatever.
Got him.
Minute 43: Homo is up again, this time to take a piss. I know that because when he walked by me I said “Number 1 or Number 2?” he said “Number 1.” And I said “Gross! Hey everybody, Romo’s about to take a dump!” Then he told me “Number 1 means piss, actually. I got up to pee.” I knew that, I just forgot. Doesn’t make him a better quarterback than me or whatever.
Minute 55: I took a seat next to Terry Glenn momentarily. Terry is our #2 receiver and was recently downgraded to doubtful for Sunday because of an issue with his knee. I asked him how he was feeling and he said, “Sore, man. Really sore.” I assured him, that if this “bone on bone” pain he was feeling -- if it was in anyway caused by Homo, that I would back Terry up if he went to tell Coach. I told him if he suspected ANY signs of foul play, that he should tell coach right away, and that I would corroborate any story. Terry looked at me very strangely as if he didn’t understand, but I winked. And I think that hammered the point home quite nicely.
Minute 71: Coach always says that a great quarterback can name every defensive lineman that he’s going to face. So I decided to embarrass Homo by asking him to name every D-Lineman on Arizona in front of Coach. I did, and I forget their names but he got them all. Coach looked at Homo and smiled “Good work, Tony.” That one sorta backfired a little.
Minute 86: I caught Homo napping, so I decided to have a little fun. I whipped out my sharpie (any future hall of famer always carries a sharpie, you never know when the next autograph request is going to come) and I sneaked up from behind Homo and was about to start drawing a Hitler mustache on him, when he slapped my wrist away. “Dude, what are you doing?!” Turns out he wasn’t napping, his eyelids just look closed from my angle. That idiot doesn’t even know how to look awake!
Minute 110: I spent the last 20 minutes eating a couple Burgers my wife packed for me. Just the patties, but they were delicious. I asked Homo where his Burgers were and he said something like “Actually, I can go two hours without eating, thanks.” People chuckled. Then I was like “Eating thanks? What’s eating thanks? I’ve never had Thanks. Is that something they serve in Hippy California? It sounds shitty.” Got him. Again.
Minute 117: Time to turn off any electronic devices and restore upright seating positions and trey tables to their locked positions. That’s right, we’re landing, which means its time for me to play ‘throw peanuts at Homo.’
This blog really helped pass the time, usually these flights are pretty awful. I guess its true what they say: Time flies when you’re flying time!
Haha. I’m glad smart people read my blog because I bet Homo wouldn’t have even gotten that joke.
PS – I forgot my prediction for Sunday. Arizona has the worst record in the league, so I’ll keep it a little closer this time. Cardinals 56 – Cowboys 21 (all field goals). Later skaters
Minute 8: Pilot says we’ve reached our cruising altitude of 35,000 feet. I’m not pretty good at math, but that’s pretty close to my career yardage. I just yelled out “Good thing we’re not flying at Homo’s career yardage altitude! Otherwise we’d be hitting some Mountains on the way!” Nobody really heard me, I guess. Airplanes are pretty loud.
Minute 13: I just glanced over to Homo and he was perusing Skymall. He was eyeing Item 13357J: Shower Mirror with Clock. “Enjoy the best environment for the closest shave: a steamy shower and crystal-clear reflection.” He just told somebody he loves Skymall because most products are duty free if you order before landing. I wish I could free my Duty. In his cleats.
Meanwhile, there’s only one Skymall product for me, and that’s the World’s Largest Crossword Puzzle. Yup, every ride I check out item 66813J… “Holding the Guinness record for its size, this crossword hangs on a full 7 foot by 7 foot wall space and has 28,000 clues for every 91,000 squares…no repeats!” People don’t know this, but I’m a crossword puzzle guru. I’ve never completed one, because I usually get bored, but I can get 10-15 words off the bat easily. One day I’m gonna purchase this baby, and complete it, to cement my place in Canton. (The Pro Football Hall of Fame loves extra curriculars like these). Anyway, back to what’s important…
Minute 21: Homo just got up to stretch his legs. He’s just trying to rub in the fact that he’s playing tomorrow and I’m not. I didn’t want him to get away with it, so we had a little shouting match.
Me: Stretching the ole legs huh?
Homo: Yup.
Me: Gotta keep them fresh for tomorrow!
Homo: Ha, it’s not that, I just always get sore knees when –
Me: Yeah, not really interested.
Homo: Huh?
Me: I said I don’t give a shit, just sit down.
Homo: Okay... whatever.
Got him.
Minute 43: Homo is up again, this time to take a piss. I know that because when he walked by me I said “Number 1 or Number 2?” he said “Number 1.” And I said “Gross! Hey everybody, Romo’s about to take a dump!” Then he told me “Number 1 means piss, actually. I got up to pee.” I knew that, I just forgot. Doesn’t make him a better quarterback than me or whatever.
Minute 55: I took a seat next to Terry Glenn momentarily. Terry is our #2 receiver and was recently downgraded to doubtful for Sunday because of an issue with his knee. I asked him how he was feeling and he said, “Sore, man. Really sore.” I assured him, that if this “bone on bone” pain he was feeling -- if it was in anyway caused by Homo, that I would back Terry up if he went to tell Coach. I told him if he suspected ANY signs of foul play, that he should tell coach right away, and that I would corroborate any story. Terry looked at me very strangely as if he didn’t understand, but I winked. And I think that hammered the point home quite nicely.
Minute 71: Coach always says that a great quarterback can name every defensive lineman that he’s going to face. So I decided to embarrass Homo by asking him to name every D-Lineman on Arizona in front of Coach. I did, and I forget their names but he got them all. Coach looked at Homo and smiled “Good work, Tony.” That one sorta backfired a little.
Minute 86: I caught Homo napping, so I decided to have a little fun. I whipped out my sharpie (any future hall of famer always carries a sharpie, you never know when the next autograph request is going to come) and I sneaked up from behind Homo and was about to start drawing a Hitler mustache on him, when he slapped my wrist away. “Dude, what are you doing?!” Turns out he wasn’t napping, his eyelids just look closed from my angle. That idiot doesn’t even know how to look awake!
Minute 110: I spent the last 20 minutes eating a couple Burgers my wife packed for me. Just the patties, but they were delicious. I asked Homo where his Burgers were and he said something like “Actually, I can go two hours without eating, thanks.” People chuckled. Then I was like “Eating thanks? What’s eating thanks? I’ve never had Thanks. Is that something they serve in Hippy California? It sounds shitty.” Got him. Again.
Minute 117: Time to turn off any electronic devices and restore upright seating positions and trey tables to their locked positions. That’s right, we’re landing, which means its time for me to play ‘throw peanuts at Homo.’
This blog really helped pass the time, usually these flights are pretty awful. I guess its true what they say: Time flies when you’re flying time!
Haha. I’m glad smart people read my blog because I bet Homo wouldn’t have even gotten that joke.
PS – I forgot my prediction for Sunday. Arizona has the worst record in the league, so I’ll keep it a little closer this time. Cardinals 56 – Cowboys 21 (all field goals). Later skaters
posted by Really Drew Bledsoe | 11:45 PM
5 Comments:
You got Homo good....
So, when Romo takes the Cowboys to the playoffs will you start looking for a trade to Oakland and shut up?
Perhaps when they beat Indy nest week.
Dude don't sweat that win against Arizona today..They're so bad my kid's pee-wee team could beat them. And did you see Tony on the sideline at the end of the game? He looked like he was going to cry cause it looked like his teammates were yelling at him for being so inexperienced. It's obvious they want a veteran QB playing with them again. Bill needs to get the message.
Which situation would you rather have Bledsoe:
1. Backup the Cowboys
2. Start for the Cardinals
Drew - I'm not a big thinker like you, but I'm pretty sure that if you had played in Arizona, then Greg Ellis would not have gotten hurt. Can you connect the dots for me?
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